The Wedding
by dutchrub
Summary: Toby's getting remarried, and the impending wedding has ramifications for the whole office. General wackiness ensues. First in a series of episodes of my own creation. This episode is [complete].
1. Part One

**Special notes**: The narrator of this story is as objective as possible, much the way the fictional director behind-the-scenes of the "documentary" would be. He/she is just out to capture the daily life of the office, so any assumptions on what the characters are thinking, just attribute that to what the "director" is going for… a.k.a., me. :-P

Additionally, to write this story, I had to take some liberties with the usual grammatical conventions out of consideration for the way this show is presented. First off, ellipses mean that the character is taking a pause or a deep breath or dragging out a syllable of the word before it. You can read these however you want, but through them, I tried to pull out the essence and familiarity of the character, so go with your gut as I went with mine. Secondly, any hyphenated word means there's a special emphasis the way the character is saying it, usually the emphasis hangs on the last syllable (ex. "be-cause" would be read "be-_caaause_", or something like that). Finally, a "-----" just means that this is sort of where the camera would cut to another scene at the office. It could be simultaneous or it could be a flashback, so read carefully. :-P

Oh, and I love Phyllis. Just thought I'd share.

Why am I blabbering on about this? Because I want this story to be as true to the show's essence as it can be because the show is basically perfect, but this is definitely a style of writing I've never done before, and I am no good at plays/screenplays. Wish me luck! I hope you're not disappointed!

**Part One**

Michael Scott was sitting in his office, to his left, a stack of papers with "Sign Here" markers stuck lovingly on them courtesy his lovely receptionist, Pam, and to his right, a computer monitor with a scrolling screensaver that read, "Why are dumb blonde jokes so short? So brunettes can remember them." He was drumming his fingers on the edge of his desk, his head cocked to the right and a thoughtful look on his face.

"Toby… Toby from HR is getting re-married, which is kind of a shock to all of us, considering he's _probably_ the most inconsiderate person in the office.

"Take, for example, the day he came to ask me for some days off for the wedding. He said, 'Michael, I have to take some days off after my wedding.' So I said, in my benevolent way, 'Sure, take as many days as you need, Toby. We're a family here, so if you want to start a new family somewhere else, I'd be happy to give you that chance.' And somehow after that exchange he completely forgot to send both Dwight and me formal invitations to his wedding. Forgetting to send an invitation to your boss… Tacky, just tacky."

-----

Jim looked away from his computer screen and over at reception. Pam was on the phone, her mouth in a sort of slacken "O" and her eyes wide and unblinking as they stared off into space. He watched her for a few moments, and when her expression didn't change, he started tapping his pencil anxiously on the end of his desk. After she had hung up, Jim got up from his desk, grabbed a jelly bean on the counter, and leaned over to whisper, "Todd Packer?"

She let out an astonished laugh. "You could tell from the expression on my face?" Jim winked and nodded. "You are not going to believe the message he just left with me for Michael."

"Oh, I would like to believe. Make me a believer, Pam."

She leaned in conspiratorially. "All right, Packer wants Michael to know that he can't go to Toby's wedding with him because he has to go to driver's education class to get his license back."

Jim stared at Pam, mulled over the information for a moment then said coolly, "I don't know which is funnier: the idea of Packer having a license or Michael asking him to be his date to Toby's wedding."

"Oh, no, the best part is that I'm pretty sure Toby doesn't expect Michael to come." She lowered her voice and leaned her face even closer to Jim's, until their noses were mere inches apart. "He didn't send Michael an invitation."

"Your breath smells nice, by the way. Like strawberries," Jim said offhandedly.

Pam pressed her lips tightly together and leaned back into her chair. "Thanks."

"So Michael's going to crash Toby's wedding?"

"Oh, no, no, no. I think he thinks he's invited and that Toby just forgot to send him an invitation."

"Saturday is going to be _great_!"

Pam nodded and smiled wide enough to match Jim's grin. "Are you bringing anyone?"

"Uh, yeah, yes, I am. I'm bringing a friend."

"And what is this _friend's_ name? Please tell me it's Todd Packer and that the reason he can't go with Michael is that he's going with you."

"Ooh, funny," Jim said, squinting his eyes chidingly. "Uh, no, this friend is named Selene." Pam said nothing, but looked around at the ceiling and the room. Finally she nodded and offered a quiet, "Cool."

"You and Roy are coming, right?" Jim said in a tight voice, a voice that wanted to be conversational but couldn't quite pull off the naturalness it required.

She looked down at her keyboard and readied her fingers above home row. "Yeah, we'll be there."

Jim stood at the counter for a few moments longer, but Pam did not look back at him. Instead she immersed herself into her work, and Jim glanced into the camera before heading back to his desk.

-----

Michael emerged from his office and appeared beside Dwight's desk. "Dwight, can I talk to you in my office please?" he asked in a low voice, but that was enough to grab several people's attention, including Jim's, who looked at Pam and raised his eyebrows; she shrugged.

Inside his office, Michael closed the door and stood before an eager Dwight. "I have a proposition for you. Would you be interested in attending Toby's wedding with me to-mor-row?"

Dwight put a hand to his chest and stepped back, obviously in awe. "I would be honored. Michael… Thank you for choosing me."

"Well, this is on the condition that you find out what time everyone is showing up… like the exact time. I seem to have… misplaced my invitation."

Dwight maintained direct eye contact with Michael and smiled from ear to ear. "You can count on me, Michael."

"I, uh—yeah, just let me know by the end of the day."

"I won't let you down," he said, hurrying out of the office at full speed.

The door snapped shut behind him, and Michael looked directly into the camera. "The things I do for free booze and a captive audience."

-----

The soft green glow of Spider Solitaire illuminated Pam's face. She had a pile of messages for Dwight she was saving to throw into his coffee cup when he was out, but right now he was sitting at his desk, tapping his leg impatiently and staring her way. When she noticed his gaze, she raised an irritated eyebrow and said, "What? What are you staring at?"

This was invitation enough for him to sidle up to her counter and lean in too close for comfort. "So… What time are you going to the wedding?" he asked in an intimate voice that made Pam cross her arms and wheel away from the counter.

"About a half-hour before it starts."

"What time _exactly_?" He stared intently at her and waited patiently for her to respond.

"Why? You weren't invited."

"Not true. I'm Michael's date."

"Oh, gross," she said with a frown, "don't say things like that."

"It's important. As assistant regional manager—" She sighed. "—I demand that you tell me."

Pam spun in her chair to find her invitation. If nothing else, it would get him away from her desk. As she was rooting through her purse, Dwight said, "You know what I just realized that's kind of funny?" His voice was meditative, as though he were connecting two dots that didn't want to be connected. "Toby has been married, divorced and remarried all before you and Roy even set a date."

Pam instantly dropped her purse on the floor, turned to face Dwight directly and said, "Go away, Dwight. Now."

Jim, who had lifted his head long enough to observe the whole conversation, sat with his mouth hanging open, but immediately recovered long enough to blurt out, "Three o'clock at the fire hall." Pam's eyes widened as though she'd been betrayed, but then a strange sort of cloud came over them. Her mouth, contorted from a look of shock, melted into a soft smile.

Dwight turned to Jim and gave him a curt nod. "Thank you, Jim. I'll make sure Michael marks this demonstration of fealty on your employment record."

After that, he headed back towards Michael's office with the news, and Jim gave Pam a roll of his eyes and a discreet wink. She motioned for him to come over, and he obliged. Again their faces were close and their voices low. "Where did you just send them?" she asked through a laugh.

"My neighbor's having a bar mitzvah there tomorrow. How classic will it be with those two showing up at a kid's party dressed to the nines… together?"

"I so owe you lunch today. Hope you like mixed berries yogurt."

"I think you know it's my favorite." They shared a secret laugh before Jim had to head back to his desk, thanks to a phone call.

-----

In the conference room, Pam sat before the camera, a wide, dreamy grin on her face. "Jim's just awesome. I mean, who else could come up with such a brilliant scheme like that to save me from Dwight? To save us all from Dwight and Michael tomorrow?"

She laughed briefly and then sighed, finally looking directly into the camera. "I don't think he knows I notice when he's defending my honor, but I do… I always do." She looked out the window a moment and pursed her lips. "I've got some faxes to send out," she added with a poignant look into the camera and then dismissed herself.

-----

The water cooler was the place to be at the moment. Ryan, Kevin and Phyllis busied themselves by filling up paper cups with water and standing close together—it lessened the likelihood of attack. They had all conveniently distanced themselves from Michael, who, at the moment, was sitting on Oscar's desk, telling him all about a Jennifer Lopez movie he had watched last night.

"Are you bringing anyone to the wedding tomorrow, temp?" Kevin asked, sipping some water to wash down the Doritos he had just devoured.

"Uh, yeah. You remember Katy, the purse girl?"

"_Hot_," Kevin said with an approving nod.

Phyllis cocked her head to the side. "I can't remember the last wedding I went to…"

"I think it was one of Meredith's, right?" Michael said. He had materialized out of thin air alongside Ryan. All eyes shifted to Meredith, who sat stony-faced in her chair. "When's the next victim putting his head on the chopping block?"

"I'm not even seeing—"

"Black widow!" he shouted, making claws with his hands and a scary face. No one moved a muscle. Finally, Michael clapped his hands and said, "Okay, what time will the Dunder-Mifflin family be meeting tomorrow?"

Ryan started walking back to his desk, keeping his eyes glued to the floor. "Katy's not sure when she'll be ready, so…"

Phyllis followed Ryan's idea and walked toward the kitchen. "I haven't bought a gift yet."

Kevin looked Michael in the face and said, "I'm probably only going to the reception."

"Well, that's because that's where they have the free food and cake, Kevin."

"Actually, my band is playing for a few hours—"

Michael waved his comment off. "Come on, guys, this is going to be a great time. A Dunder-Mifflin family reunion on a Saturday. You're going to have to bodily remove me from the dance floor. Make sure you save me a seat in your row, temp." Ryan nodded absent-mindedly and hurriedly started typing nonsense into his computer.

-----

In the middle of typing an interoffice memo, Pam barely noticed the front door open. She looked up to see a tall, thin, beautiful woman with chestnut curls down to her shoulders, dressed in a brown button-down shirt, pair of tight-fitting jeans and stylish leather boots. She could have been a model. "Can I help you?" Pam asked, but the woman raised a finger to her lips, surveyed the room and pointed to Jim. Pam's eyes narrowed slightly, but then she returned to her memo.

The woman sneaked up behind Jim, covered his eyes with her hands and whispered through his hair, "Guess who?"

"I'd know that smell anywhere." He shot up out of his chair, scooped the woman up and spun her around. "Lene-Bean, what are you doing here already? I thought you weren't getting in until tonight?"

She smiled warmly and caressed his cheek briefly. "Have you had lunch yet?"

"No, no, I haven't. Let me just get my things."

Pam finished her memo, sent it to the printer, and then silently reached for her lunch bag. She extracted her yogurt and a spoon and started eating.

-----

Jim slouched in a chair before the camera in the conference room. "Selene's perfume? Oh—" He laughed and rested his head on two fingertips. "It's not perfume at all. I've known her since high school, and as far back as I can remember, she smelled like oranges. I know, it's weird, but the woman inhales, like, three of them a day. We used to date, and I always joked she tasted like an orange too."

Pam appeared in the doorway with a solemn face. Her arms were crossed, and she was working her lower lip with her teeth. Jim looked back and forth between her and the camera, his eyes wide with surprise. "Um, a rep from the McAllister firm is on your line one."

Before he could finish saying "thank you," she was on her way back to reception.

-----

"I have to buy a wedding gift for Toby, and I'm just coming up empty from all the usual gag sites."

"That's why we're here?" Angela asked disbelievingly. Phyllis, Angela and Pam sat around Michael's desk with notepads in their laps. "I thought you said this was an emergency."

"This _is_. I need to come up with something really memorable for a gift that will just blow them away."

Phyllis stared at him. "But I haven't even bought anything for him yet."

"Yes, so don't take this time to go shopping for yourself. That's just selfish." Michael glanced into the camera and gave it a sidelong look. "Girls are just better at the whole shopping thing, so why don't I open the floor to some suggestions? Come on, let's get the ball rolling. Angela, you look like you're on the verge of genius."

Angela looked between the other two women and shrugged. "Um, well, I was just thinking Toby mentioned they were short on flatware—"

"Er, wrong! Time out! Attention, all K-mart shoppers, we have a crazy woman in aisle one. Blue light special on Angela the Boring Barbie. Boy, was I wrong about the genius." He looked into the camera with one of his awkward grins. Angela sat rigidly with her arms crossed and her lips pressed so tightly that they were white.

"Angela, this needs to be a gift so good they'll name a child after me. Or at least a middle name. What are they going think of a bunch of spoons and knives. 'Oh, gee, uh, honey, it sure was nice of Michael to give us these, uh, forks. Now we can have the grandparents over for Thanksgiving.' I don't think so. What about you, Pam?"

"Um…"

"Time's up! Would the next contender _come on down!_ Phyllis… Phyllis, my saving grace, what do you have for me?"

"How about a… cuckoo clock?"

Michael opened his mouth to respond, but closed it and seemed to rethink. Finally, he crossed his arms, opened his mouth to speak again, closed it, and then said, "No, I don't think that will work.

"I'm going to leave you ladies to talk it out. Girls like gabbing about this kind of stuff. I think I'm going to head down to Quizno's; their subs are dee-leesh-us. When I get back, I'll be ready for you to fire away great ideas for a wedding gift." With that said, he grabbed his jacket and walked out of the office, leaving the three women to stare at each other and the computer screen with The Gag Gifts Superstore open on it.

-----

"How about a mixer?" Phyllis suggested.

"I don't see why he just doesn't give money," Angela said, her pen poised to write the word.

"Don't write that down," Pam scolded.

"Why not?"

"Because he'd give them Monopoly money, Angela. He'd think it was funny."

The front door opened back up, and their heads turned simultaneously, as though they were robots controlled by the same remote. But it wasn't Michael who came in. Jim hugged Selene goodbye and returned to his desk, plopping down in his chair without even taking his jacket off. He glanced at reception, and seeing that it was empty, pivoted until his eyes came to rest on Pam huddled with the ladies in the conference room. He gave an airy wave and smile, which, at first, she did not return, but the other two were staring, so she flashed her hand and returned to the list.

Phyllis stared at the paper but said to Pam out of the corner of her mouth, "You'd better hurry up or you're going to miss your chance."

Pam blanched and slouched back into her chair. "It was just lunch with an old friend—"

"I mean the faxes to City Hall," she continued coolly. "It's almost closing time, and you won't have another chance to get them out today."

"Oh." Pam got up from the table and headed to the door.

"What did you think I was talking about?"

"Nothing," she said as she left the room. Angela didn't seem to notice or care about the conversation because she kept on writing, but Phyllis returned to the list with a small, but satisfied smile.

-----

"Toaster? No. Crockpot? Just embarrassing. Picture frame? What are these girls trying to do, turn me into a woman too." Michael continued reading the list in the privacy of his office, flipping through the notebook pages and saying, "Crap. Crap. Crappity crap," or some derivation of that, over and over again.

"See, the thing is, I need a gift that will be talked about for years to come. 'Oh, hey, Oscar, do you remember that amazing thing Michael got Toby for his wedding?' 'Yeah, Kevin, how could I forget? Toby only talks about it every day. I should get married so Michael will get me something great.' Yeah, that's how I want to come across… A 'fondue set' is just not going to cut it.

"In the end, I'll probably end up buying them a _Three Stooges_ DVD set. It's a must for any collection."

-----

It was a few minutes after five, and since the employees had had their things ready since lunchtime, the line to the door was long. Jim joined Pam behind Meredith. "Roy picking you up?"

"Yeah," she said. "I'm making Tuna Helper tonight. It makes a great meal, you know."

Jim smiled. "I'll bet you make it great." They inched closer to the door.

"Hey, listen, I'll see you tomorrow." He paused and looked her straight in the face. "Promise me you'll save me at least one dance?"

Pam took a moment to process his request and allowed herself the smallest smile that barely registered as more than a twitch at the corners of her mouth. She nodded slowly as she said, "Okay."

He held the door open for her, and as she breezed by him, he said, "By the way, you smell pretty. Lavender?"

"And orange," she added through a blush. Jim held the elevator for her, but she took the stairs.


	2. Part Two

**Special notes**: This chapter was based on the lyrics from an Overseer song called "Sparks." In particular, the words I honed in on were, "If I start talking/the sparks are sure to fly/so I'll just keep quiet." Thought that was a pretty good summation of everything Jim has to endure, and it fit this section perfectly.

This also takes place instead of the "Booze Cruise" episode, because I started writing it before then, so I've had to make some adjustments. If some parts seem uneven, consider that the reason why.

Oh, and if this were really the show style, consider each of the two parts a separate episode. On this very special episode, we get to see the Dunder-Mifflin employees on a Saturday night. Who's excited, baby!

**Part Two**

The din was finally starting to settle down as the last of the stragglers made their way into St. Mary's Church. Coats were shed and greetings were exchanged among family members and friends. The Dunder-Mifflin team took up two pews toward the back of the church. Stanley and his wife sat between Oscar and his date and Phyllis, who came with Angela because her boyfriend had to inventory his warehouse full of refrigerators. In the row behind them sat Pam and Roy along with Ryan, Katy, Meredith, Kelly and her date. Pam was using her aisle seat to its fullest extent. She glanced surreptitiously back into the nave.

Conversation was sparse between the employees, despite the fact that they weren't at the office; mostly they chatted with the person they came with. Katy touched Ryan's arm. "Where's Jim? I thought he was coming."

"Oh, I, uh." He turned and looked up and down the aisle. "I thought he was too. Maybe he's coming later." Katy gave him a brief, tiny smile and started flipping through her hymn book while Ryan silenced his phone and resumed looking bored.

Roy elbowed Ryan discreetly. "Probably had a late night with that girl he was with; she was all aces. Did you _get_ an eyeful of that? How in the hell did Halpert ever bag a girl like that?" Ryan offered an awkward smile and drew his arms in closer to his body.

"They're just friends," Pam muttered as she gazed out the front doors.

Roy turned to his fiancée and said, "Why do you keep ogling the lobby?"

She cleared her throat. "I'm looking for the wedding party. Just wondering when this is going to start." Roy nodded slowly and solemnly as he studied her.

The organ bellowed a few deep notes and instantly the crowd fell silent. Pam glanced behind her one more time and then turned straight-faced toward the front. The only people to come down the aisle were in the wedding party.

-----

Michael and Dwight pulled into a parking space in the Chrysler convertible, top down as Dwight had insisted, before the Justus Volunteer Fire Company. Michael grabbed a misshapen package clumsily wrapped in newspaper coupons from the backseat, and the two men climbed out of the car.

As Michael closed his car door, a piece of the wrapping ripped and exposed a bit of black box. He scowled at Dwight and said, "I told you we should have had the clerk wrap it."

"They only had two types of wrapping paper: Simpsons and Christmas. Besides… now it's really like two gifts in one; they can shop smart and save money." Dwight gave the camera one of his triumphant smirks before chasing after Michael into the fire hall.

Inside the hall, a ring of adults rimmed the room while the center floor and stage were overrun with dozens of boys wrestling, yelling and goofing around. The scene was chaotic to say the least.

"Wow," Dwight said, "Toby sure knows a lot of young boys.

"Hey, that's Mark from my goju-ryu karate class. Mark-san, it's sempai!" Mark's small brown eyes widened with alarm, and he turned and ran deeper into the writhing mass of bodies. Dwight looked surprised for a moment, but then he turned to the camera and offered, "His palm heel strike needs work."

Michael's eyes were narrowed in concentration as they panned over the scene. "Why… is everybody wearing doilies on their heads?"

-----

The reception kicked into gear around five o'clock after the majority of the wedding guests had arrived and settled. Kevin was there with his Steely Dan cover band, setting up for the early part of the evening. They would play for an hour or so, and then DJ Crazy Horse would play the remainder of the evening. Pam and Roy were seated at a table with four other people from Dunder-Mifflin, one of whom still had yet to arrive with his date. The rest of the employees were divided between two other neighboring tables. There were no place cards for Michael or Dwight. Toby and his new wife sat at the head of the hall at a long white table along with the rest of the wedding party. They were sharing a laugh and eagerly chatting with well-wishers.

At around 5:30, the bar opened and people could help themselves to a buffet once their table was called. The most popular item in the buffet line was at the very end—the rum punch. In particular, the single girls of Dunder-Mifflin were enjoying cup after cup.

Shortly after dinner had started, the doors to the room eased open, and Pam glanced back immediately. Jim and Selene were there, brushing off a dusting of snow from their shoulders. Jim helped Selene with her coat, revealing a short, form-fitting black dress that complimented Jim's handsome suit perfectly. Pam waved boldly with her whole arm, but then toned it down to a small two-fingered motion when she noticed Roy giving her an eye over his rosy cheeks.

"Hey," Jim said breathlessly as he pulled out Selene's seat and then took his place to Pam's right. "Thought we'd never get here. You look nice," he added quickly, without really looking at Pam. She rubbed the soft fabric of her skirt between her fingers as she hid her eyes. Her outfit wasn't nearly as eye-catching as Selene's, but it was definitely a departure from her normal button-up blouse and formless skirt combination—a tight white sweater with a deep neckline and a strand of pearls to emphasize her collar bone and a flirty polka dot skirt that rested just above the knee.

"Where've you been, Jimmy?" Roy asked. "Keeping busy with the little lady?" Pam narrowed her eyes at her fiancé.

"Uh, no. Actually, Selene and I woke up late, and then we went to the wrong fire hall at the other end of town."

Roy reached over Pam to punch Jim on the shoulder, a gesture which did nothing to lighten the mood at the table, but instead seemed to weigh it down further. Selene cleared her throat, and Jim took that cue to introduce her. "Roy, Pam…" He dragged her name out and stared at the side of her face, for she did not look up at him. "This is my long-time friend, Selene. Selene, this is Roy and Pam."

Roy smiled broadly and a soft, deep laugh issued from the back of his throat. The words, "slept in late," were barely audible over the clanking of plates and silverware. Pam dutifully shook Selene's hand as she finally formally met her. Selene flipped Pam's hand over and examined her ring for a moment. "Engaged, I see. So I guess yours will be the next wedding I attend. When's the date?"

Jim swiveled in his chair and shook his head discreetly to Selene that this was not a conversation to go into now, but she didn't seem to take the hint. Pam actually sat taller in her chair and made eye contact with the lovely brunette. "We're thinking June tenth. All we've got to do is reserve the church and the reception hall, and we'll be ready." Roy stopped laughing, and Jim spun back, his face stony and his eyes a little red. Selene looked around confusedly as this news, instead of coming across as joyous, was received with sour expressions and complete silence. Even Angela and Phyllis, who completed the table, seemed uncomfortable.

It wasn't until they received the news that they could serve themselves at the buffet that anyone offered to speak again, and even then all Phyllis had to offer was a weak, "Yum." Roy was up before everyone else, leaving Pam and Jim looking bewildered.

-----

Roy was three people ahead of Pam in the buffet line, his plate mounted high with food from almost every serving platter. Jim leaned over Pam's shoulder and whispered in her ear, "Sorry I missed out on the wedding. Top secret stuff, you know. I hope you weren't too _bored_ without me."

"Not at all," she said quickly as she tapped the macaroni and cheese spoon forcefully against her plate. "To tell you the truth, I didn't realize you were missing until I saw the place cards next to the empty seats."

Jim stood back up, his eyes wide and flat. "Oh, uh…" He looked into the camera and then at his plate.

-----

The bar mitzvah started to pick up momentum about an hour after the men showed up. Dwight and Michael were still hovering by the entrance with their present and watching the crowd of rowdy boys. No one had approached them yet or even seemed to notice them. Their eyes scanned the crowd for some familiar face, but the only people that were in sight were children and parents.

"Excuse me," said a woman dressed in a very fancy gown; she was probably the woman who headed up the party. "I noticed you two standing here, looking confused. Do you have a gift you'd like to give the guest of honor?"

"Yesh," said Michael. "Geez, I feel like a Wiseman walking around with my Frankensteincense. 'Show me to the Christ child, o star of Bethlehem.'"

The mother stared at him for a few beats while Dwight smiled obliviously beside his boss. Michael's mischievous grin subsided when the mother still maintained her look of disbelief. He cleared his throat and offered her the gift. "The gift table is over there," she said flatly, pointing to a long card table laden with gifts under a blue and silver banner with the words "Mazel Tov!"

As they walked toward it, Michael said, "You know, no one else from the office has showed up yet. I don't think this is the right place."

"Yes, it is," Dwight insisted with a firm nod of his head.

"No, Dwight. I don't—"

Dwight grabbed the package out of Michael's hands and set it on the table with the others. "This is the fire hall Jim gave me directions to. Besides, 'Mazel Tov' is German for 'Just Married.'"

-----

Toby sat with his new bride and an empty plate before him. He was staring thoughtfully into space. "Do I regret not sending Michael an invitation to the wedding?" He paused. "Let me put it this way. You know how there's always that one relative that comes to the holidays for the food and liquor and then sits at the end of the table belching and making jokes about the consistency of the gravy? Well, Michael's the crazy uncle, and I'm the gravy."

-----

Dinner was over and most guests who had finished their wedding cake were at the bar, beside the punch bowl, or chatting before the bride and groom had their first dance together. Selene sidled up beside Pam, who stood nursing a cup of beer on the edge of the room. Pam's eyes were focused on Jim and Katy, who were whispering to each other beside the wishing well for cards. He had his hand on her shoulder, and their foreheads were close. Pam tried to hide her gaze behind her cup, but Selene followed her eyes and made the connection.

"I wonder what they're talking about?" she said.

Pam blinked as though she hadn't even noticed she had a companion. "Well, they used to go out, so I don't, I don't know…" She looked at Selene for a sign of disappointment or surprise, but she simply nodded.

"That would explain why they look so serious. From what I understand, it was sort of a nasty break-up."

Pam looked at her feet. "Really?" she said. "He hasn't talked about her to me at all. What did he say about it?"

"Not much, just that there was someone else."

Pam quickly turned to Selene. "Someone for him or her?"

"I don't know," she said and then took a drink of her rum and Coke. "That's all he said. But if she's bitter, then I'd guess Jim's the one with the someone."

"Really…" Pam said. She tossed her beer in the trash and walked purposefully over to Roy who was sitting with Darryl at the table directly across from the bar. He saw her coming and quickly turned his back to her.

"Can I have a word?" she asked.

"I'm ready for your apology at any point," he said. He didn't move a muscle, but Pam placed her hands squarely on her hips.

"What could I possibly need to apologize for?"

He whirled around in his chair to face her. "We agreed we weren't going to announce the date until we had to."

"No, you agreed to that. I never said any such thing. We've been engaged three years, Roy. Three. Years. People should know we actually _intend_ on getting married. That's what engaged means."

"God, we haven't even picked the church, and you're already nagging me like you're my wife. Can you believe this?" he asked Darryl, who threw up his hands and smartly walked away.

Pam stood there stunned. Luckily, Kevin's band was still playing and most people couldn't hear their argument, but it had still managed to capture a few eyes and ears. Jim was watching them carefully from beside the gift table, his hands shoved deep in his pockets and his mouth slightly agape.

"I'm outta here," Roy said, grabbing his coat from over his seat.

"What am I supposed to do for a ride?" Pam asked breathlessly, but Roy did not respond. He was already gone, the doors to the reception hall swinging ominously. She sat down because it seemed to be the only thing she could manage to do. Jim took a few steps toward her, but Selene, who had been close by, swooped in and put her arm around her shoulder, consoling her even though they hardly knew each other.

Pam stared off into space, and though her eyes sparkled with the soft sheen of tears, they did not spill over her cheeks. "Big jerk," Selene said. "What crawled up his ass and died?" Pam shrugged dismissively and said nothing. A few moments passed, and despite Selene's efforts to soothe Pam, she still looked stiff and furious.

"I'm sure you can ride home with Jim and me," she offered, and it was then that Pam snapped out of her thoughts and stood up.

She glanced at Jim once and held his eyes for a moment. She looked hurt, but it was hard to tell whether it was from Roy or something else. "I'll be all right, thanks. I'll just get a ride with Angela or Phyllis." With that, she marched off to the other end of the room leaving both Selene and Jim bewildered.

-----

"All right, everybody! It's time for the guest of honor to open his presents!" said the woman who had approached Michael and Dwight before. She waved the guests into a circle around an empty chair next to a large pile of presents.

Michael and Dwight glanced at each other worriedly. "There's only one chair?" Michael said.

"It's traditional to give gifts to the groom first, then the bride because men need to make sure the gifts are safe for the women."

Michael looked skeptical. "How many weddings have you been to, Dwight?"

"Well, one."

-----

"My grandparents got married when I was twelve. My grandmother said she wanted to be married before she died. They got married in the county hospital. I was the ring bearer. As they were wheeling my grandmother down the aisle… my grandfather just keeled over. Heart attack." Dwight paused and looked toward the right. "I guess I never really thought about it… but that's _incredibly_ ironic."

-----

A young boy with short, curly brown hair sat down in the chair in the center of the room. He wore a wide smile and a chocolate suit. People were patting his back and congratulating him profusely. All the while, Michael and Dwight stared with their mouths agape. "Well, this can't be right," Dwight said.

Michael turned with fire in his eyes. "What was your first clue? Idiot."

The boy's mother stepped forward and hugged his shoulders tightly. "Happy bar mitzvah, Eli. I'm so proud of you!" A chorus of "mazel tov's" went up around them, and Michael looked increasingly worried. "You're a man now!" she said, wiping away some tears. "Time to celebrate." She reached blindly to her left, her hand stretching toward the pile of gifts.

"I think we should grab the present and go," Michael said, pushing his way through the line of adults toward Eli.

"Here's something from Michael… Scott and Dwight Schrute?" She raised one eyebrow at her son, and then looked to the crowd, right as the two men made their way to the front of the line. All eyes turned to them. Eli shrugged, but took the gift.

Dots of sweat appeared on Michael's brow. "Uh, I think there's been a mistake.." he started, but it was too late. The boy was already tearing through the coupons to expose the colorful box underneath, and the two men could only stand there looking anxious.

"Live nudes," Eli said slowly and deliberately. He looked up quizzically from the box. The room was silent. He lifted the gift to show the guests. Pictured on the box was a pink neon sign that flashed the phrase along with the silhouette of a woman. "There's a card attached… 'Be sure to put this right outside your bedroom door to warn innocent bystanders.' Mom?" He looked to his mother, whose face was as red as one of Dwight's beets.

"Definitely the wrong party," Michael said as he and his date sneaked back to the exit.

-----

As the evening progressed and the guests had a few drinks in their systems, the dance floor came alive. Kevin's band had abandoned its post in leiu of the hired deejay, and he was out on the floor with his fiancée, Stacy. Phyllis and Oscar were dancing and having a good time, as were Ryan and Kelly. Katy was slouching in a chair on the outskirts of the room, with her arms crossed and a cup of beer close at hand. Jim twirled Selene back and forth, her laugh tinkling above the music notes. As Jim dipped her, Pam walked toward the bathrooms.

-----

"Everyone's having a good time," Pam observed. "Meredith is making quick work of the rum punch, and there's still no sign of Michael and Dwight, which has Toby pretty excited. Well, all of us, really." She leaned back against the wall, her arms crossed over her stomach, a wide, strangely manufactured grin appearing on her face.

"Jim and Selene seem to be having a really good time. They haven't separated _all_ night. She must be really fun. I mean, she looks really fun. And it was _so_ nice of her to comfort me after Roy stormed out of here… because I was in such a miserable state. So, yeah, it was really great to have a girl who smells like oranges 24/7 to comfort me. I think I reek of them now, actually." Pam sniffed her hands and them waved them in front of the camera. "Yup." She stole another glance of the couple swinging across the dance floor, and the artificial smile melted into a soft frown. She looked back into the camera, her eyes wide and wet.

"It's nice to see Jim so happy. We're best friends, really. I know I've said that before, but I really mean it. I go to him for most everything. You know, I mean, he really is like a brother. A really great brother. Or a favorite cousin."

-----

"A brother, huh? I guess… yeah, I guess that that's… kind of what we are…" Jim conceded as he rested a hip against the buffet table. "The kind of brother and sister that tell each other everything. Well, maybe I keep a few secrets from her, you know, secret diary kind of stuff, but that's…

"Yeah, we're really just like best friends. It's why we have so much fun together. Excuse me," he said, straightening up and grabbing a cup, "this punch is calling my name."

-----

"This is all your fault, Dwight," Michael said. He and Dwight were seated in the car, backing out quickly from the bar mitzvah. Several other guests were standing in the doorway watching them, among them the astonished mother. Dwight looked solemnly at the floor. "I knew I shouldn't have asked you go to the wedding with me. Can't even accomplish a simple task like finding out where the stupid wedding is.

"We should call somebody and see which is the right fire hall."

Dwight stared awkwardly at his cell phone. "I… don't have… anybody's number from the office…"

Michael raised an eyebrow at Dwight's odd delayed reaction. "All right, fine. We'll call Ryan."

He pulled out his phone and pressed number two on his speed dial.

-----

Ryan paused and removed his hand from Katy's wrist. The two had been chatting at their table over some wine. "Excuse me," he said as he reached into his pocket and pulled out his cell phone. The theme from _Jaws_ was playing loudly, and the words "Agent Scarn calling" flashed on the Caller ID window. Ryan pushed the silent button and slipped the phone back in his pocket. "Wrong number. Where were we?" he said sheepishly and returned his hand to her wrist.

-----

"Come on, come on!" Michael said. After the fifth ring, he heard Ryan's voicemail pick up. "Probably can't hear his phone over the music. Damnit. Well, what are we going to do? I didn't go out of my way to look this handsome just so I could hang out with _you_."

"We could cash in that certificate for paint ball lessons I gave you for Christmas." He glanced hopefully at his mentor.

"Oh, don't be ridiculous, Dwight," Michael said as he squeezed the steering wheel. "I didn't borrow this penguin suit from my dad's closet just to get it all covered in stupid paint."

"We could play Laser Tag then! No mess."

"No."

"How about—"

"No, Dwight. God. We'll just drive to all the fire halls until we find the right one."

Dwight looked into the camera with wide eyes and nodded almost imperceptibly.

-----

Pam slouched in her chair at the table. She had angled herself so she could watch the other members of Dunder-Mifflin get down on the dance floor, but her ankles were crossed and her shoulders slumped as though she had no intention of joining the festivities.

Jim vacillated by the buffet table, leaning backwards and forwards, always teetering the brink of walking toward her but never quite getting past a single step. He sipped his drink, but as the music changed to something slower, he tossed it aside and finally joined her. They said nothing to each other at first; it was hard because Pam had subtlely turned away from him when he took the seat beside her. Half the song had played on before he had anything to say.

"Having fun?"

"A laugh riot," she said immediately, without looking him in the eyes.

"Why does he have to treat me like that?" Jim opened his mouth to respond, but nothing came out. "You don't treat someone you love like you can't stand to be near them. When you're really in love, you should want to tell the whole world, shouldn't you?" She looked to Jim who sat there with his head slightly bowed, but he didn't respond. "Maybe I'm not worth marrying."

His head shot up and he stared directly into Pam's eyes. "Don't say that!" Jim blurted out. He slowed his breathing and continued more calmly, "Roy's a fool." He seemed to want to continue, but he didn't.

"I would give anything to see you smile again tonight."

Pam looked at him. They held each other's gazes for a while, their lips unmoving, but their eyes searching one another's.

As if on cue, the music exploded into a familiar disco rhythm. Their solemn connection was broken by and replaced with Jim's wide, confidant grin. "It's my song."

"_You_ have a song?" she said.

"Naturally. Sister Sledge, 'He's the Greatest Dancer.' It's sort of my theme." He was already out of his seat, shoulders bobbing up and down before her amazed eyes.

"Oh, you're kidding me."

"I wish I were, Pam Beesley, I wish I were. Watch, and be awed."

Without further discussion, Jim danced his way to the center of the floor and immediately filled the space with his arm flailing a la _Saturday Night Fever_. Despite the absurdity of the presentation, the man had rhythm, and when he swung his hips, all female eyes were on him. He grabbed a random woman from the floor and twirled her once, twice, and dipped her fast. When he let her go, she was all smiles and rosy cheeks, her friends patting her on the shoulder and whispering excitedly in her ear.

Jim waved a finger at Pam, beckoning her to his side. She obeyed, but shook her head the whole time. "Where's my dance, receptionist? I was promised one."

"After that display, I'm not so sure I can be seen with you ever again."

"Oh, come on. You know you enjoyed it."

"Fine, I may regret saying this later, but your Hustle is unparalleled."

Jim beamed. "Now that you've professed your love for my moves, you must join me."

"I don't think so," she said laughingly.

"If you don't dance with me, I will call Dwight and tell him where we are, and he'll take you home instead of me."

Her eyes narrowed, and she cocked her head to the side slightly, as though she wanted to acknowledge something important, but she said, "You wouldn't dare."

He extracted his cell phone from his pocket, flipped it open and began scrolling through his address book. His mischievous eyes remained focused on her. "Daren't I?"

"You don't, you don't have his number," she quipped with a stern crossing of her arms.

Jim gasped and placed his hand over his heart. "I am hurt, Pam, truly hurt. That you would doubt my absolute dedication to the Dwight Plight. How else would I be able to send him text messages at three in the morning from the mysterious 'Mr. J' and his secret agent missions."

"Is _that_ why Dwight's taken to carrying a digital camera in his pocket and snapping shots when he thinks no one's looking?"

Jim tipped his head in assent, and Pam erupted with laughter. "Oh, you are too good."

"Dance with me," he repeated, offering his hand.

-----

Michael pulled out of yet another fire hall parking lot. He and Dwight were strangely silent, and their eyes were glazed with a look of defeat. Michael turned his head sideways to the camera. "Who'da thought accidentally knocking over a table full of old ladies' bingo cards would incite such a riot?"

"I think I have a splinter of cane in my neck," Dwight said, rubbing the base of his skull.

-----

"Come on, dance with me. I guarantee you won't regret it."

Pam looked at Jim's proffered hand, then at him, and took it. Their eye contact never broke as he led her onto the floor. Phyllis grinned at the scene and nudged Angela, who just rolled her eyes. Selene didn't seem to notice or care, as she was talking animatedly to one of the groomsmen.

The song that played was yet another disco tune, this time "If I Can't Have You," by Yvonne Elliman, and Jim eagerly set the pace for the two of them. He placed one hand on her waist and held her left one in his. She smiled at his touch and closed her eyes for a moment before reopening them and finding his gaze.

The couple circled the floor, laughing and joking the whole time. Jim spun her out, and when he pulled her back in, captured her from behind in his embrace. They remained still that way for a moment, their smiles fading as they maintained an intense gaze. Jim opened his mouth to say something but couldn't seem to get any words out, so he began lip-synching with panache. They discoed to their hearts' content, Pam even learning a few new moves from her partner.

The song was winding down, so Jim closed the dance with a deep dip. Pam laughed riotously as she was draped backwards over his arm. Her cheeks were flushed from the exercise, and when Jim brought her back up, their noses brushed. She looked startled, so she rested her hands on his chest to steady herself.

"Didn't I promise you you'd have fun?" he said. His smile couldn't be wider.

She reached down and grabbed his right hand. "Oh, you are indeed the greatest dancer, Jim Halpert. I haven't had so much fun dancing in years."

Just then the doors to the reception hall burst open and two silhouettes filled the door frame. As the figures emerged into the light, their faces came into focus and the Dunder-Mifflin half of the guests couldn't look more astonished. Michael and Dwight approached the crowd like two cowboys in a bad Western. They stopped before Toby and his wife, with triumphant grins on their faces. "Sorry we're late," Michael said. "Some-_one_ sent us the wrong fire hall." He stared hard at Jim, who tried his best to look innocent.

"Oh crap, I sent you to my neighbor's bar mitzvah, didn't I?" Some employees in the crowd sniggered. "It's so confusing. There are so many fire halls in Scranton."

"Tell me about it," Dwight chimed in seriously, "we went to eleven before we found this one!"

"What matters is that we're here now," Michael said. "I had an amazing gift, but somehow it ended up in the hands of a little Jewish kid who apparently has no sense of humor…"

Toby rolled his eyes. "That's all right, Michael. The best gift of all is that this night is almost over."

Michael turned his attentions to other people in the room, and when they realized they might be danger of talking to him, employees on the outer fray of the crowd dispersed toward their coats and readied to leave. Pam and Jim were in the unfortunate trajectory of Michael's line of sight; he headed straight for them.

"You really made an effort tonight, huh, Pam? Look-in' sizzlin'," Michael said. "Reminding Roy he'd better get a move on before some other fella swoops in and tries to steal you away? Where is he anyway?"

Before she had a chance to reply, she heard from behind Michael, "Right here." Jim's mouth slackened, and Pam released Jim's hand from hers immediately. It fell with a thud against his thigh. "I came to take you home, baby."

She crossed her arms. "I have a ride, thanks," she said, side-stepping until her shoulder touched Jim's arm. He looked uncomfortable in the increasingly strange situation.

"Don't be ridiculous, Pam. I didn't drive all the way back here for nothing."

"You're right," she conceded, "you're back just in time to see me leave with a guy that doesn't make me feel like an accessory." Jim stood frozen beside her, though his eyes darted between every face in hall. His cheeks flushed when he noticed that everyone was staring attentively at the three of them. Toby's wife whispered in her husband's ear, Phyllis nodded repetitively with a small smirk on her face, and Katy frowned deeply beside Ryan, but they all watched the scene carefully.

"Halpert? You've got to be kidding me. Baby, I never meant what I said earlier. I was just nervous, that's all. I love you."

Pam's tense arms started to loosen, and she pulled away from Jim slightly. Jim, on the other hand, tensed up. He glanced down at her, but her gaze was so fixed on her fiancé that she didn't seem to notice his attentions. "But you shouldn't be nervous about telling our friends we've set a date…"

Roy closed the gap between the two of them, grabbed her hands and squeezed. He raised his right arm high and said, "Everyone, those of you I know and those of you I don't, some of you may have heard this earlier, but Pam and I have picked June tenth as our wedding date. I just wish everyone could find someone as… nice as she is."

Pam beamed, but Jim raised an eyebrow. "_Nice_?" he said under his breath. "Give me a break." But no one seemed to hear him as they were all clapping for the two lovers embracing in the center of the room. With slumped shoulders and a bowed head, Jim headed for his chair where Selene's and his coats were.

Selene ran after him and put her hand on his shoulder, saying, "Are you all right, Jim?" He whirled her around, into his arms, dipped her back slightly, and planted a deep, passionate kiss on her that lasted a half minute. The only person who seemed to notice it amidst the congratulations for Roy and Pam was Pam herself. Her broad grin melted into a look of shock, and her eyes were fixed on the two of them.

When Jim finally let Selene up for air, she stood there completely bewildered. He placed her coat in her hands, slid his on, and immediately headed for the exit. He was almost out the door when Selene regained her sense of situation and ran after him. She caught up to him in the doorway, grabbed his shoulders until he came to a complete stop, and whispered angrily to him. Her microphone strained to catch her words, and all that came through was a very soft, very demanding question: "Jim. Jim, stop! Who was that kiss for? Jim, who was it for?"

Jim looked back into the reception hall, took one look around the room and turned off his microphone pack. The doors to the hall closed behind them, and no one but Pam seemed to notice.

Complete


	3. Episode Guide

This story is the first in a series of fanfics starring the cast of _The Office_ (US). These are all of my own design, but I may borrow some dialogue or important moments from the show to try and keep as parallel to the ongoing storyline as possible. I will add a chapter like this to the end of every fic and update them so you'll always be able to follow the sequence, otherwise some of the jokes and situations may not make sense.

"Episodes" so far:

"The Wedding" – 1.11.06 – Toby's getting remarried, and the impending wedding has ramifications for the whole office. General wackiness ensues.

"Employee of the Month" – 1.23.06 – Jim receives the title of Employee of the Month, much to Dwight's chagrin, and Michael attempts to de-stress with a trip to the spa.

"Vacation Days" – 2.05.06 - When Jim readies to take a vacation, rumors fly about with whom he is going. Meanwhile, Michael institutes a new bathroom policy that puts him at the top of a power pyramid.


End file.
